14 Hilarious Parenting Rules We Didn’t Realize We’d Need Until Kids
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If parenting feels like an unending loop of making [parents] and breaking [children] rules, that’s because it is! There’s a lot of “do this” and “don’t do that” in parenting, and half the time, the little people we’re telling listen as well as a stone. Still, children need rules unless they want to live in the ‘Wild West.’
You’ll be surprised at the things you’ll need to remind your kids to do or not do. Look at these hilarious parenting rules some parents didn’t realize they needed until kids entered the picture.
1. Don’t Lick The Parrot
We didn’t imagine licking a pet is something a child will need cautioning against, but here we are!
One online conversation commenter says they had to make a rule, “No licking the parrot and no putting her head inside your mouth and calling it a “vacation”. My kid is so weird!”
Good news, Dad, most kids are weird.
2. No Sunscreen On The Toaster
We wear sunscreen to protect us from sun rays, but one kid decided that toasters need sunscreen too?
A parent says one of their rules is, “Do not spray sunscreen in the toaster oven.”
3. No Crayons In The Butter
Kids have a talent for putting things where they’re not supposed to be, such as crayons in the butter. An online commenter explained that this has become the new rule in one household.
4. No Haunting The Neighbors
For one child, all days were Halloween, and her neighbors were her target. She scared them until a new rule was made, “No haunting the neighbours.”
Her parent says, “My daughter used to think it was hilarious… whisper weird crap into the vents of our apartment building, things like: You have dishonoured your ancestors. That’s disgusting. Stop it! The cat want[s] gravy! One of our elderly neighbours thought she was a ghost, whispering to him.”
We have to hand it to her for her creativity.
5. Don’t Finish Your Chapter
Reading a book is great, but reading a book on the toilet is even better! It only becomes a problem when you’re halfway through the conflict resolution and someone needs to use the toilet.
One homestead came up with a rule: “If you are on the toilet, and someone else urgently needs it, “Just let me finish my chapter!” is not an acceptable response.””
6. No Eating Cat Poop
Most homes have cats, and having a pet also comes with a new set of rules. Pets should be cared for and treated humanely. One mama had to add another set of rules when the kids got creative with their cat, not daring each other to eat cat poop.
Do kids have a gag reflex? We do not want to know what prompted this rule.
7. Rule Against Nudity
Kids have no sense of propriety and will drop their clothes in public without batting an eyelid.
Some parents shared online how they had to devise a rather specific rule: “Do not take off your pants, bend over and spread your cheeks and show people your bum.”
Yeah, we don’t do that here.
8. No Eating Dog Food
If you get a dog, it would be wise to let the kids know that the dog food is meant only for the canines.
One online forum contributor says their kids had to be told, “Do not eat the dog food from the dog dish like a dog.”
9. No Little Humans Inside Machines
Machines make our lives easier but can also act as appropriate dungeons for delinquent siblings.
One online conversation contributor had to add a rule saying, “You may not put your little sister in any appliance, including but not limited to” the washer, the dryer, the oven, the chest freezer, and the dishwasher.”
10. No Licking The Dog [And Barking At People]
A user says, “My son licks our dogs. When he first started, I would try to get him to stop, and he would bark at me.”
This is why babies should come with a ‘return if broken’ policy.
11. No Headbutting At The Dinner Table
Siblings fight, some more than others. One little boy took the match to a whole new level, and his parents had to step in with a new rule.
They say, “NO HEADBUTTING AT THE DINNER TABLE, for f***’s sake. The 7-year-old is so gentle and timid, and the 3-year-old is an absolute psycho with zero fear. I’m not sure if it’s a youngest child thing or he’s just mental.”
12. Only Three Things Go Into The Toilet
Children are fascinated by the toilet’s ability to gurgle and swallow things, so they throw things that should be. One made a new house rule, “Only pee, poo, and toilet paper go in the toilet.”
Simple and easy to follow.
13. No Pee Storage
A mother made a rather stinky discovery—her boys were keeping jars full of pee in their rooms.
She says, “[I] discovered a jar full of pee in the family room closet. Turns out [the] 7-year-old didn’t want to go to the bathroom, so [he] was peeing in the jar. Discovered bottle in teenager’s room.”
14. You Are Not A Sprinkler
Some rules are hilarious, but what is even grossly funny is the reason those rules were made.
One parent narrates, “My son [was] standing in a circle and spraying the whole bathroom with pee. He said he wanted to see how many times around he could get before he ran out of pee. The answer is 3.”
Now we know.
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