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Laughter is good for the body and soul. Life knocks everyone down sometimes and a little adult humor can help us manage it a little better. These jokes are the secret sauce of human connection, the universal language of laughter that transcends borders and brightens even the darkest of days.
Here are 75 funny adult jokes to relate to, shock you, and get you cracking up. Enjoy!
This first set of funny puns is for the ladies because being a woman is still harder than it should be.
- “My sister was with two men in one night… She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners? That’s a lot of food.” -Sarah Silverman
- “I thought about wearing a thong once but then I realized I don’t even floss my teeth” -Sierra Katow
- “I joined a mom’s group in Los Angeles. Yeah, I don’t find any of these moms particularly interesting or fun, but when you’re a new mom on maternity leave, it’s like The Walking Dead – you just gotta hook up with a crew to survive.” -Ali Wong
- “My Parents Bought me a rechargeable toothbrush. Now I have to hide the amount of AAA I buy… or get a boyfriend.” -Jessica Sudy
- “This isn’t a bra, it’s body armor. And this isn’t makeup, it’s war paint.” -Iliza Shlesinger
- “From what I understand about childbirth, it changes you ‘downstairs.’ I like my downstairs the way it is, thank you very much. I certainly don’t need an extension.”-Sarah Millican
- “I’m low-key jealous of straight couples because y’all can go from foreplay to sex like ‘that’ with no problem. Smooth transition. But lesbians, we can’t do that, we can’t have a smooth transition. We gotta suit up!” -KeLanna Spiller
- “I’m bad at sex. That’s what I’ve concluded. It’s fine, I’m okay with it because I got a late start. I’m learning. I didn’t have sex until I was 21 because I was saving myself for Jesus, which luckily was my gardener’s name. So that worked out. Yeah, I found a loophole in my dad’s rule.” -Nikki Glaser
- “Beyoncé is so powerful, she reinvented ‘sexy face’. Remember what it used to look like, girls? Little smile? Wrong! ‘Sexy-face’, thanks to Beyoncé, is: there is a bad smell and you’re angry about it.” -Katherine Ryan
- “I think of the genitalia options available, I think dick seems friendlier, you know. They’re up, they’re happy to see you, they’re wagging, I’ve never had sex. It’s like a front tail, right?” -Taylor Tomlinson
These funny puns are not just about laughter; they’re about building bridges, creating memories, and reminding us that, in the end, we’re all in on the same cosmic punchline. So, let’s continue to spread the joy, one witty quip at a time!
Jokes For Men
Guys can help us get through the interesting parts of life. Here are some jokes sure to give the men in your life a chuckle.
- “Ah, yes, divorce… from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” -Robin Williams
- “My name is Adam. My father’s name is Adam. Having the same name as your father, it’s alright until your voice changes. My friends would always call up, “Is Adam there?” My father would say, “This is Adam.” My friends would say, “Adam, you were so wasted last night.” -Adam Sandler
- “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.” -Steve Martin
- “A spa hotel? It’s like a normal hotel, only in reception there’s a picture of a pebble.” -Rhod Gilbert
- “Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man — there’s your diamond in the rough.” -Larry David
- “I’m a black queer man, also known as a gospel choir director.” -Jay Jurden
- “The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.” -Milton Berle
- “We sit on the couch and listen for shit. That’s how we watch our kids. Kids do whatever they want when they’re with dad.” -Kevin Hart
- “I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I’d spent about half the day in the woods.” -Jeff Foxworthy
- “I work at an office where I’m the only gay guy surrounded by straight people. My coworkers treat me like I’m some sort of exotic gay pet. Like, my boss will ask me to recommend a trendy restaurant for her to eat at, or the secretary will ask me to critique her outfit. Or the guy in marketing will ask me what it feels like to get fucked up the ass. And I’m like, ‘You work in Marketing. You know what it feels like.’” -Adam Sank
Whether you’re still getting to know each other or got married years ago, navigating life as a couple is full of ups and downs. Here are some jokes that can help you grow closer and take life together a little less seriously.
- “They say marriage is a contract. No, it’s not. Contracts come with warranties. When something goes wrong, you can take it back to the manufacturer. Your husband starts acting up, you can’t take him back to his mama’s house. ‘He’s broke. I dunno. He just stopped working. He’s just laying around making a funny noise.’” -Wanda Sykes
- “Ladies: Don’t come off desperate and reply quickly to your crush’s texts. Wait a while. Meet someone else. Get Married. Start a family. Keep him guessing.” -Violet K. Benson
- “With kids misadventures, it’s funny because they’re not strong enough to kill you. But they want to kill you so bad.” -Tina Fey
- “‘What’s a couple?’ I asked my mum. She said, ‘Two or three.’ Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed.” -Josie Long
- “I’m learning the hokey pokey. Not all of it. But – I’ve got the ins and outs.” -Iain Stirling
- “Before you marry a person you should make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” -Will Ferrell
- “I always take my wife morning tea in my pajamas. But is she grateful? No, she says she’d rather have it in a cup.” -Eric Morecambe
- “Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with, ‘I can’t talk now, I’m going into a tunnel.’” -Jimmy Carr
- “My ex and I used to roleplay in the bedroom a lot. Her favorite game was ‘Handsome Librarian!’ Which is where I’m not allowed to talk and she reads a book instead.” -Kill Devil Hills
- “It doesn’t matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don’t do it in the street and frighten the horses.” -Daphne Fielding
For Dark Humor Lovers
This next set isn’t for the faint of heart but sometimes a shock can break up the day’s boredom.
- “The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.” -Demetri Martin
- A man says to the doctor: “What’s the good news?” “You’ve got 24 hours to live.” He says: “What’s the bad news?” The doctor says: “We should have told you yesterday.” -Frank Carson
- “As long as you’re a tax deduction, you’ll always be safe in my house.” -George Lopez
- “My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.’” -Stewart Francis
- “Did you hear what happened when the guy who wrote the song ‘The Hokey Pokey’ died? They couldn’t close his coffin. Every time they put a right foot in, he put his left foot out.” -Felipe Esparza
- “My friends will ask me, ‘Hey, since you were adopted, would you ever consider adoption?’ I’m like, yes. Absolutely. If I ever have kids, I want them to go to a good home.” -Jamie Ward
- “I don’t think I ever got over my grandmother’s death. When I was a kid, my grandmother died from a heart attack during my ninth birthday party. Literally, while she was eating cake. And I guess that must have screwed me up a little bit, you know? I mean, I still have birthday parties, but now I’m just careful what I wish for.” -Anthony Jeselnik
- “I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.”-Johnny Carson
- “SPOILER ALERT: We all die in the end.” -Stewart Stafford
Jokes That Are Too Real Yet Funny
From dealing with finances to small annoyances, we don’t know whether to laugh or cry at these jokes about adulting that are a little too relatable.
- “If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.” -Steven Wright
- “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” -George Carlin
- “I have enough money to last me the rest of my life… unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
- “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” -Bob Hope
- “Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there.” -Sloane Crosley
- “Leaving a playground with your six-year-old feels a lot like trying to get your drunk friend out of the club.” -Zoe Rogers
- “I know I’ve grown as a person because old me would have totally judged the man I just saw walk barefoot into the airplane bathroom and the new me sees how it’s not my business if he chooses to be the most disgusting piece of garbage I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Namaste.” -Annie Lederman
- “Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” -Will Rogers
- “A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” -Don Marquis
- “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” -Ron White
‘Yo Mamma’ Jokes
OK. ‘Yo Mamma’ jokes are immature and silly, but it’s hard to get through these ones with a straight face. These submissions to various articles definitely show the power of imagination.
- “Yo mamma is so ugly, she scared the shit out of the toilet.” -Anonymous
- “Yo momma is so hairy, when she went to the movie theater to see Star Wars, everybody screamed and said, ‘IT’S CHEWBACCA!’” -Angel Stallone
- “Yo momma is so fat that Dora can’t even explore her!” -Haydenjr1
- “Yo momma so fat when she steps out in a yellow raincoat, the people yell, ‘TAXI!’” -Chloe Coyle
- “Your momma is so hairy when she opens her legs it says ‘Welcome to Busch Gardens.’” -Bayron
- “Yo momma so dumb when I said, ‘Drinks on the house,’ she got a ladder.” -Alex-Jack Staurt
- “Yo momma is so ugly that when the Kool-Aid man broke through her wall he said, ‘Oh noooo!’” -Yo Mamma Man
- “Yo mama so fat she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.” -DannyBoy
- “Yo mama so ugly the Terminator said, ‘I won’t be back.’” -tonyswag
Dad jokes – the ultimate blend of humor and “groan-tastic” puns!
These quips, though often met with eye-rolls, are like the secret handshake of dads worldwide. There’s something inexplicably delightful about their cheesy simplicity. They’re the kind of jokes that make you cringe and smile at the same time. Get ready for funny puns ride that’s sure to tickle your bone and leave you craving more of those timeless one-liners!
- “Call me Delta Airlines ‘cause I can’t handle your extra baggage.” -Ned Flanders, The Simpsons
- “A guy walked into a bar and was disqualified from the limbo contest.” -r/DadJokes
- “I once hired a limo but when it arrived, the guy driving it walked off! I said ‘Excuse me? Are you not going to drive me?’ The guy told me that the price didn’t include a driver so I spent $500 on a limo and have nothing to chauffeur it!” -Austin May
- “What do you call a person who tells dad jokes but has no kids? A faux pa.” -r/DadJokes
- “Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it’s next day delivery?” -Mark Simmons
- “I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn’t get pasta.” -Masai Graham/Dad jokes
- “I hate funerals. I’m not a mourning person.” -Will Mars/Dad Joke
- “I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx.” -Richard Pulsford
- “I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery” -Tim Vine/Dad Joke
- “My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock.” -Olaf Falafel
Dad jokes may be the punchline kings, but they’ve got a special place in our hearts. So next time your dad delivers a cringe-worthy pun, give him an eye-roll, but don’t forget to share a chuckle too. After all, in the world of dad jokes, the cornier, the better, and the laughter is always free of charge.
Jokes For Young Hearts
Lastly, here are some lighter cheesy kid friendly jokes everyone will laugh at.
69. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because it was already stuffed!
70. Why did the pampered cow always get the best treatment on the farm? Because it had “moo-lah” to spare!
71. What did the gummy bear say when it got a compliment? “I’m bear-y flattered!” -Unknown
72. Why did the spoiled milk start a gossip club in the fridge? Because it had curd-iosity about everyone’s dairy. – Unknown
73. Why did the astronaut bring a broom to the space party? Because he wanted to sweep the Milky Way! – Unknown
74. Why did the baby computer apply for a job at the bakery? Because it heard they needed more “cookie” storage! -Unknown
75. How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles! -Unknown
Have a Laugh with Adult Jokes
Whatever humor you enjoy, laughing often can help reduce your stress levels and help you enjoy your life. Next time you feel down, think of a joke that can’t help but boost your spirits–even if it is a little naughty.