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Let go of the clichéd dad jokes; it’s Mom’s witty comebacks that take center stage. Children can be simultaneously mischievous, exasperating, and endearing. Across generations, mothers have perfected the art of managing their offspring, often sprinkled with humor, while subtly reminding them that moms were once kids themselves and are well-versed in all the tricks of the trade.
In an online forum, people shared their favorite “mom jokes” and typical phrases, and we can all identify with them.
1. Best Way To Kill Boredom
All moms hear the phrase, “I’m bored,” at least once every minute of the kids being home. It beats all reasons a kid would be bored in a house full of strewn toys, storybooks, fellow kids, and outdoors.
One Mom found the perfect way to kill boredom when her child complained.
Mom said, “I can make you not bored. How about you clean these dishes.”
The child immediately remembered that they could go play outside.
2. Are You Really Hungry?
Kids’ stomachs are divided into various sections, and the section that’s meant for snacks and junk food is a bottomless pit.
An online conversation contributor narrates their Mom’s reaction to “I’m hungry, but not for fruit.”
Mom: Then you’re not hungry.
3. Anti-Nepotism Rule
A man having a hard time at work was asked by his colleague why he couldn’t go work for his Mom. It turned out that his Mom’s company had a rule against hiring relatives.
Whose idea was that in the first place? His Mom’s.
Are their names even in her will?
4. Mom’s Time Is The Best
Science says the earth revolves around the sun, but the truth is the earth revolves around Mom. Mom sets the time for things to be done, and she herself is unaffected by that time.
A user says, “My mom … yells at everyone to get dressed so we can go where we’re going. Everyone is ready in less than ten minutes, about to head for the door when, lo and behold – mom hasn’t even showered yet. Two hours later, you STILL haven’t left.”
Someone adds, “Or my stepmom. Yelling at us for being too slow and to hurry up and get in the car while we are standing next to the car and she is still inside getting her shoes on.”
5. Don’t Ask, Just Help
Moms need help, and the best way to offer this help is to not ask if she needs the help. Confusing, I know.
An online forum commenter narrates how a typical conversation help Mom goes,
“Hey mom, need any help?
“No. I can do it myself”
…5 minutes later…
“Why am I the only one who does things around here!?”
Someone adds, “Oh my God, I thought that was only my mum. Is it universal?!”
6. Lying About Time
Because Moms know the kids who will never keep time, most have turned to lying about the actual time things are supposed to start.
A user says one of Momisms is “Compensating for usual tardiness by giving you an arrival time earlier so you actually arrive on time. Also works against habitually-late friends when trying to meet up somewhere.”
7. Personal Space? What Personal Space?
The number of people who have succeded in getting any personal space from their moms wouldn’t fill a petri dish.
One online user shares, “”Mom, I need my personal space!” Mom: “You came out of my personal space.”
8. What’s For Dinner?
Many moms lose their minds over this question. The answers to this question range from “poison” to “grass and hedges.”
And those are the only ones we can mention without activating your gag reflex.
9. Kids Will be Your Karma
Most Moms with delinquent kids have been threatened with one earth-shattering curse–getting kids that act just like them. That is Mom’s best justice served hot.
One user says their Mom told them, “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Then you’ll see what it’s like!”
10. Grandkids, but not Grandma
Modern moms have a new desire: to get grandkids but not have to be called grandma.
One online conversation commenter says they even tried coming up with varied named for grandma who was asking for grandkids.”
Me: Gam gam? Nana? Gammy? Nan? Mama T? Gizmo?
Mom: Okay, fine, I can wait!
I’d go with Gizmo.
11. The Damn Payments
As a kid, words fly about without making much sense. One user narrates how they didn’t understand that their parents meant “down payment” and not “damn payment.”
Mom replied, “[Without skipping a beat, she says] “No, son, that’s every payment afterward.”
All parents understand.
12. Crying Antidote
Crying, for whatever reason, was a crime for most moms. All Moms had one response to crying, “”Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about.” Not the gentlest of answers but sometimes it works.
13. Joke’s On You
Moms may look like they’re getting the [often lame] jokes played by the rest of the family members, but they are!
One user decided to interrogate their Mom on their joke-taking ability.
He narrates, “I used to always tell my mom, “Dang mom, can’t you take a joke?” To which she would reply, “I took you, didn’t I?”
Is there a person out there who has once been told by their Mom that they’re THE joke?
14. Make Me A Sandwich
Language is confusing, and that is the fodder for most Mom jokes.
A contributor shares a conversation they had with their Mom:
“Me: “Mom, I’m hungry. Can you make me a sandwich?”
Mom: “Poof, you’re a sandwich!”
Good one, Mom!
15. Chores For Your Life
You’d have to be very daring to ask a mother to pay you for doing a house chore. One user decided to touch a naked live wire.
Mother: “Do these chores!”
Me: “I don’t get an allowance. What’ll you give me for doing them?”
Mother: “I’ll let you live.”
This is the closest neighbor to “I brought you into this world and can take you out of it.”
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