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12 Most Common Reasons Couples Aren’t in the Mood

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Within the realms of enduring, committed relationships and transient romantic encounters, individuals frequently opt to abstain from intimate interactions, driven by a diverse array of reasons. If you’re eager to gain insight into these motivations, an online forum thoroughly explores a wide spectrum of possible explanations, beginning with this initial set of 12.

1. Lack of Emotional Presence

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A user shares, “Emotional presence or connection is honestly the biggest one for me. If we’re struggling in the relationship and the solution on my partner’s end is to focus on sex rather than the issues, I’m 100000% not in the mood.” Many agreed, finding it hard to get down to business when feeling disconnected due to bigger issues.

2. Long Days

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One user shares a simple explanation, “Worn out from working hard all day.” Long days at work can be a big libido killer for sure.

3. Pure Exhaustion Mixed with Kids

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Another user shares, “Sheer exhaustion at the end of the day. 3 kids later and my wife’s s*x d[rive] is still through the roof. Between work, the gym, and 3 kids I hit my pillow and power down within 5 minutes.”

4. Too Much Effort

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A man shares a reality for many couples some nights, “I really just don’t feel like putting in the work sometimes, so much effort to take care of her and make sure she’s happy, I honestly don’t want to go through the troublesome nights.” He goes on to explain he loves connecting other times, but some nights he’s just not into it- which is fair.

5. I’d Rather Cuddle

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A woman shares it’s not all about doing the deed. “I’d often much rather cuddle up in bed and watch our fave TV show together. I’ve been single for about 20 months now and that’s what I miss the most.”

6. Hygiene

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This is a pretty self-explanatory reason. A man shares, “Yes, if I haven’t showered recently, I don’t want anyone near my junk.” Many others agreed, citing they don’t feel sexy or in the mood unless they’ve recently showered.

7. Better Things to Do

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People share they might be more interested in something else, whether reading a book, eating, watching a show, or taking a nap.

8. Bowel Issues

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When IBS or other causes of diarrhea occur, it’s best to take a pass and avoid any embarrassing moments. People also cite the opposite problem (constipation) as a reason. These are all very legit reasons, even though they might be embarrassing to admit.

9. Feeling Ugly

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Whether it’s due to a pimple, bloating, or certain times of the month, a few people (particularly women) admit that sometimes they don’t feel sexy enough.

10. Migraines

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Migraines and headaches can be a total mood killer. A user writes, “That’ll do it. Good luck trying to get me in the mood when I can’t even move my head, or I’ll throw up.”

11. Depression

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Bouts of anxiety or depression can put a damper on libido, especially if there are meds involved. It feels hard for people to be motivated to do much of anything. It’s best for them to talk to a doctor about their depression and any concerns with their physical relationships.

12. Recently Eating

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Eating and sex don’t generally go together. If someone just ate, particularly if it was a smelly food like garlic or onion, they might take a hard pass.


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