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If we were granted a dollar for every occasion we declared, “I’ll never do that when I become a parent,” we might soon find ourselves with the means to savor a slice of Cocoa Island in the Maldives. Nonetheless, parenthood introduces us to a whirlwind of emotions and children who appear to possess a remarkable talent for pressing all the wrong buttons in our lives.
A conversation starter in an online forum sought to know what parents swore to never do as a parent, and they fell off that wagon at least once.
1. Not Be Understanding
Almost everyone had one teenage soundtrack where our parents were concerned: you don’t understand.
One online forum contributor remembers promising to be the understanding parents because her own parents just didn’t get it, according to her. Well, karma must be a child because, in her own words, she’s housing a werewolf for a teen.
Teenagers have only one job to do: push boundaries.
2. Lying To Kids
We all agree deception is bad, we teach our kids not to be deceptive. One parent was planning on being the truthful parent, and then the kids came.
They share, “I didn’t think I would be so deceptive, but sometimes it’s like negotiating with a Terrorist.”
This parent had to devise a deceptive plan to avoid squabbles during a trip by taking a fake trip first and punishing the quarrels by going back home. When the actual trip came, no finger was raised in the car.
Someone adds, “You have to lie to irrational people.”
3. Compulsory Naps For Parent’s Sake
Babies need to take a nap to help with their development. Some parents would put the babies to sleep because they [the parents] are exhausted and not for the child’s sake.
One parent says this is the one thing they said they wouldn’t do. That promise lasted as far as the labor room.
Someone adds, “H*** yes, they can survive an hour of quiet time in their room for the sake of your sanity!”
4. Give In To Demands for World Peace
Many parents have said yes to kids to avoid a world conflict, and many non-parents may have thought that was a terrible parent move. Until they themselves became parents.
Another user says, “Same. Sometimes, I’m too tired to fight against my daughter’s incessant “Snack, mummy! Snack, mummy!” and just give her the damn snack so I can have 2-3 blissful undisturbed minutes.”
5. Drive a Minivan
A minivan is the certificate you get for graduating to a parent. Some aspiring parents have sworn not to drive a minivan, and then they discover it’s necessary.
One online conversation contributor says they had promised to not drive one, “But damn, are they smooth and convenient.”
Kids don’t listen, and some parents resort to bribing them to get them to do what they want despite having planned never to be that parent who bribes kids. One user even says their dad once wrote her sibling a $5 cheque to buy her silence.
Someone says, “Children are why bribery was invented.”
7. Saying Because I Said So
We all remember how irritating this explanation was when we were kids, especially teenagers. Many of us may have thought this was the one thing they wouldn’t tell their kids until we realized why our parents used that sentence.
One online commenter says, “Yes.. that phrase was usually used in front of non-family, and it was so my mom didn’t have to say the real reason. Figured that out when I had to say that to my kids once or twice.”
8. Never Dismiss Kids’ Questions
A parent shares something that resonates with most.
They say, “I promised myself that I would always answer every question that my kids ask and that I would never lose my cool after the 10,000th question.”
That resolve was tested. He lost his cool once and promised never to lose his marbles again.
“Mostly now, if I get overwhelmed, I’ll just say, ‘you sure do ask a lot of questions, buddy,’ and that usually shuts them up for a minute so I can take a deep breath.”
9. No Bed When the Sun is Still Shining
Summer bedtime routines were hard for one contributor. They hated going to bed when the sun was still out, and other kids were still playing. He planned not to put his kids through that.
How’s that going?
“Now 8:00 rolls around, and my kids are mad that they’re being put to bed when the sun is still up because they’ve been going full force since 6 a.m., and I haven’t had a break all day from small humans asking me for things.”
10. Who’s Who Again?
Any parent with more than one kid suffers from that occasional amnesia that causes them to forget the kids’ names. Each one of us with a sibling has had to answer to a name that’s not theirs.
One user didn’t like this, and his goal was to never confuse his kid’s names. Then the kids came.
He says his plan was not to be “Calling my kids each other’s names. Eventually, I just go with “You know who you are”. Always wondered why my parents did that. Now, as a parent, with life so stressful and fast, I fully see why.”
The number of people who swore to never yell at their kids wouldn’t fit in all the world’s oceans.
One user says, “I swore I would never lose my temper and yell at my kid. That didn’t last.”
Someone adds, “Same, I’m usually really, really patient in general, but man, my kids can make me go from 0 to 100 in seconds. It absolutely sucks to no end because I love them to death, but kids do what kids do, and that is stress me the f*** out.”
12. Cry Because of The Kids
The only people who underestimate a child’s potential to make you cry are those with no kids. One commenter had said they wouldn’t cry because their kid said something mean.
“I’m usually pretty good, but after a long day with a 4-year-old who just didn’t want to listen and is having a bad day himself, hearing “I don’t love you” can destroy you – even though you logically know they have no clue what they’re saying.” They narrate.
We expect this from teenagers, not toddlers.
13. Reverse Psychology
Kids do the exact opposite of what you want them to do, and the only thing that works is asking them to follow the wrong instructions if you want positive results.
One user didn’t want to be the parent who does this. But parenting showed him the dust.
He says, “When leaving and trying to get my son to come with me, [I say] “Bye!”
Many parents admitted to doing this as well, with all manner of results.
He adds, “Glad to know I’m not the only one who made this promise without the ability to keep it.”
14. Being ‘Old Parents’
When you’re young, you think you have the world’s schedule at your fingertips. Born to parents in their thirties and forties, one user promised themselves not to get kids when he was ‘old.’
He says, ” I swore I would never be an older parent. I had all sorts of reasons why, which I’ve ultimately realized were nonsense. Anyway, my wife and I are expecting our second child later this year, our first will be 10 when the second is born, and I’ll be 38, and I couldn’t be more excited.”
15. Rushing The Kids
Children have zero sense of time; it’s a child’s default settings to force them to hurry.
One parent says, “When I was a child, I absolutely hated being rushed to get ready and go someplace, and I swore I wouldn’t be like that. Now as a mother of four, I will literally fireman carry their a**es out of the door to get to school on time.”
Airlift them if you have to.
16. Have a Messy House
The judgments of the childless people on the state of the house of people with kids reach the high heavens. We have probably been the people who gave a stink eye at the toys strewn all over a living room.
One contributor comments, “My house was always messy as a kid, so I always swore that I would be the perfect homemaker with a pristine house. A combination of trying to do too much at once, being lazy and having mental health issues has meant that my house ranges from messy to disgusting way too often.”
Which parent hasn’t tripped over Lego? Or felt like a tornado must have gone through the house?
17. Calling a Partner Mom or Dad
One dad writes, “Refer to my wife as mom.” It can feel strange, until you have kids and it’s the easiest way to refer to them to avoid confusion.
18. Having Another Child
Many couples have a general number of kids in mind, but sometimes life has other plans and they end up with more kids.
19. Retreating to the Bathroom
Some kids like to follow they’re parents around like a little puppy, even for a quick bathroom break or getting dressed. This leads to some desperate parents locking themselves in the bathroom for a moment of piece while they use the toilet.
20. Zone Out
One dad admits that sometimes he has a hard time listening to a story for the 100th time, or the recount of normal daily events (like eating and using the restroom). It puts him in a trance that leads to a lot of “mmmhmmmm”s.
21. Grammy Worthy Acting
A mom funnily shares, “Putting on a terrified look and screaming “WASP!” To get the kids to come back in from the back yard.” Works every time.
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