This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Postpartum recovery for new moms is no joke- but it can be hard to understand unless you’ve gone through it personally.
The original poster (OP) and his sister-in-law both have newborns- obviously, their experiences are different since one birthed a baby and the other didn’t. OP’s sister-in-law has been complaining about having guests. OP asked the guests to go to his place because the sister-in-law was uncomfortable hosting them.
The Family Drama Begins…
The original poster and his husband are men in their late 20s. They just had their first child through surrogacy. OP’s husband’s sister also has a newborn that she recently birthed.
Their beef started at the beginning of both pregnancies. OP and his husband had just announced their successful embryo transfer. Two weeks later, the sister-in-law announced that she was pregnant. OP says they were annoyed by the sister-in-law’s announcement but decided to keep it to themselves.
The time comes, and OP and his husband have their baby boy, and the sister-in-law and her husband have a baby girl. OP says he understands that the two families have different experiences, but he does not get why the SIL keeps complaining.
She always complains about the guests who keep going to her place.
OP further notes that he understands the SIL is recovering, but to him, she is still overreacting as the guests never ask for anything extravagant such as homemade meals. He says that the guests go over just to spend time with the newborn.
OP, too, has received guests from his husband’s side of the family. He says his experience with the guests has been good, as they have always stepped in to help with chores. They would load the dishwasher for them, take out the trash, and so on.
In short, OP is trying to say that the guests are not overbearing, and he does not just understand why the sister-in-law would keep complaining about having them visit.
Come Over To My Place Instead
Recently, the families were having a small family gathering at the SIL’s place.
The SIL had not mentioned anything, but OP is already saying he is sure there will be complaints later on.
During the gathering, OP also overheard his husband’s aunt and uncle planning to stop by SIL’s house later. OP says he saw SIL’s annoyed face and instantly offered to have the guests if she did not want them.
OP told his husband’s uncle and aunt they could go to their place since his sister-in-law was already overwhelmed. The uncle and aunt agreed and hugged OP thanking him for his generosity.
Later on, OP’s sister-in-law confronted him and gave him an earful. She told him it was not in his place to talk for her and turn down guests. She says that OP made her look bad.
Is OP wrong for stepping in and inviting guests over to his place instead?
The Community Weighs In
Reading the comments, an interesting debate came up.
Does OP have the same experience with her sister-in-law considering her sister-in-law physically went through pregnancy, gave birth, and is now breastfeeding?
One commenter said, “She is recovering from pregnancy and childbirth. You can NOT compare.”
Another said, “OP, you might have a newborn but have no idea what it is like to give birth. None. The baby is the easy part, and the physical recovery is what is difficult. If you are not going to look into what it is like to be a postpartum mom, which you didn’t because this information is easily accessible, you have no right to pass judgment on a woman who just gave birth. Shame on you! YTA.”
And lastly, “Seriously! Breastfeeding is no joke. Sure, OP and his husband would also be getting up every few hours to feed their newborn, but If SIL is breastfeeding, that’s a massive effort OP is simply ignoring. Even with BM, the partner can take over a few nightly feeds so the mother doesn’t have to manage EVERY feed, which means she also needs to pump. No disrespect to those who use formula; everyone should do what works best for them and their baby, but please don’t assume that EFORT WISE putting together a bottle of formula milk is the same as breastfeeding.”
Was OP being insensitive, considering her SIL’s experience is more demanding than his?