His Wife Doesn’t Want Him in the Delivery Room, He’s Heartbroken, And She Wants Him to Man Up
This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
The birth of a child is a miracle to witness. Not surprisingly, many men are excited to be with their partners as they deliver a beautiful baby.
But what happens when the pregnant woman doesn’t want their partner in the room? Is he allowed to feel hurt? Is he allowed to grieve, missing a moment he so desperately wants to be a part of?
One man shares his story on a forum after his wife yells at him to stop sulking and get over it. Is he being a jerk for feeling hurt?
The Full Story
The original poster (OP) starts by expressing his excitement for the arrival of their baby soon, especially after a hard road of miscarriage. Naturally, he assumed he’d be part of the birth. So when his wife told him matter-of-factly that he would not be attending, he was heartbroken.
He has desperately tried to change her mind, but she won’t budge. She only wants her mom there and no one else.
Get Over It
The OP said he was doing his best to process that he won’t be at his baby’s birth, giving himself a few days to wrap his head around it. He admittedly was very hurt but also didn’t want to make it about himself and wanted to support his wife in whatever way she needed with the least amount of stress.
Unfortunately, his moping around led to his wife getting after him. She started yelling at him and told him to man up and get over it already. She said that it shouldn’t matter so much to him anyways. Then, she even asked him if he was going to be so weak in front of their child.
This further upset the OP, so he left the house to get “groceries” while he tried his best not to break down and cry. He wants to talk more with his wife but is afraid he’ll just get further judged. He’s left wondering, is it his fault for taking it so personally?
His Wife is Supporting Toxic Masculinity
The forum came to the rescue of this poor distressed dad. Most were shocked that his wife was so cruel to her own husband.
One user comments, “I wonder how she would have reacted if he had exhibited another aspect of toxic masculinity (anger and rage) instead, which is what withholding mature emotion usually leads to. She has a very emotionally mature husband, and it sucks that she’s expecting him to be emotionally unhealthy.”
Ultimately, the OP is allowed to feel disappointed and sad. Suppressing his emotions would have been a very unhealthy way to deal with the situation and probably would lead to some serious resent.
She Can’t Take Her Hurtful Words Back
One user’s winning comment summarizes the entire situation perfectly:
“A woman has a right to deny her husband from being in the delivery room – but a man has a right to feel rejected by that choice. And the consequences can be huge. Stunted or Severed intimacy, separation.
She can make that choice for any reason, as is her right — but it is a rejection of her husband in the most intimate and meaningful moments of a man’s life. It would be very hard for me, personally, to accept that my partner doesn’t trust me or rely on me enough to be there and see me as a meaningful support.
In the same sense that freedom of speech is your right, but the social consequences of your speech are yours to bear — bodily autonomy means you get the make the choice. It doesn’t mean you won’t experience fallout for making that choice. It doesn’t mean things will go how you want them to.”
Respect is Key
In the end, the community was concerned about his wife’s behavior and warned him to be careful not to submit to continued verbal abuse.
Whether the OP will be allowed in the delivery room is still not set in stone. Hopefully, the couple can discuss their differences and come out stronger in the end as they start a new journey as parents.
Read the full thread here.