He’s Been Unknowingly Supporting His Girlfriend’s Pregnant Sister: And Now He’s Cutting Her Off When She Needs It Most
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It’s a blessing to be in a financial spot where we can support our loved ones when they’re going through a tough time. But what happens when you start to feel completely taken advantage of?
One man shares his story about his girlfriend’s pregnant sister, where he felt completely sidelined by what she was doing behind his back.
The Full Story
The original poster (OP) shares some of the background story first- that he and his girlfriend (in their later 20s) have been in a relationship for 5 years and live in a house they own in the suburbs of a large city. He has a comfortable job that allows his girlfriend to stay home and take care of the meals, which they are both happy with.
He planned to propose to her soon- but now is having second thoughts due to financial issues with her sister.
The OP’s girlfriend has a younger sister. Two years ago, at 20 years old, her sister got pregnant with a boyfriend that isn’t reliable for income. Somehow, he has turned into the provider for his girlfriend’s sister, but he didn’t realize how much until he recently hired a financial planner.
Making 5k Per Month?!?
Shockingly, the OP learned that over the last 10 months, she sent around $50,000 to her sister (that’s 5k per month- a pretty comfortable salary!). Not surprisingly, this led to an argument between the OP and his girlfriend. She promised not to send any more money until they discussed it further- then she went and sent another $1,000 to her sister the very next day.
He is all for supporting family, but not at his own financial demise. But his girlfriend says she’ll continue helping her sister no matter what.
Now the OP is sitting alone in his big house while his girlfriend stays at her mom’s house, wondering if he’s a jerk for getting so mad.
How Much Support is Too Much?
The OP thought it was reasonable when his girlfriend’s sister started asking for money to help with diapers, baby clothes, and even daycare. But he was rightfully mad when he finally realized it had become every expense (car insurance, car repairs, dinners out, etc.).
The community agreed with him; his girlfriend’s sister was a freeloader taking advantage of the sister’s kindness and the OP’s bank account.
Moving Forward
Will the OP end up married to his girlfriend, whom he thought was the girl of his dreams? That depends.
Many community members warn him that this girlfriend’s sister will likely be a lifelong battle.
One user recommends, “Separate your bank accounts. Do not let her use your money for her sister. That sister is gonna be a leech for your entire life. So yeah, obviously Emily{sister] comes packaged with ur gf.
Better reconsider your entire relationship because I have a feeling that Emily ain’t gonna let the golden goose go. I hope the house isn’t under joint names and that you can finance the mortgage on ur own.”
Another says, “This is a massive red flag!! If she’s taking liberties with money in your joint account to fund the lives of three people now, don’t you think this will continue in the future?”
Overall, since the girlfriend said she’ll continue supporting her sister, the OP doesn’t have many options. Which is sad since he is the one making the money and providing his girlfriend a comfortable lifestyle in the first place. Many members point out the girlfriend’s entitlement to send the OP’s money to her sister.
A Possible Solution
Community members suggested creating a separate account for his girlfriend with designated spending money, basically an allowance.
Then, his girlfriend can decide if she wants that money for her own needs or her sister’s- rather than dipping into their savings and money for other costs.
“Separate your accounts now before you are ruined financially. She is financially abusing you. She has already told you her sister comes first. Believe her. She won’t change.”
Others suggest the girlfriend gets her own job to support her sister, then maybe it’ll give her a better perspective of the work that goes into paying for her sister’s bills.
Finally, the OP needs to pay much closer attention to his bank account- losing $50,000 before he noticed shows he wasn’t monitoring it and trusted how his girlfriend was spending.
Hard Decisions Ahead
The OP has a lot to think about. Can he trust his girlfriend ever gain? If he takes her back, will he always need to support this sister too? Does he want to be with someone that prioritizes her sister over him? Only he (and his girlfriend) will be able to decide.
