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Pregnancy is a beautiful and miraculous experience, but it is not without its challenges. From morning sickness to extreme fatigue, the physical and emotional changes that come with pregnancy can be overwhelming and zap all of a woman’s energy, making it hard to do normal daily tasks. It is a time when a woman needs the love and support of her partner more than ever.
However, what happens when the partner is not understanding and supportive? One online forum user faced this dilemma, and the community had much to say about it- almost entirely in favor of the pregnant mom.
The Pregnant Woman’s Backstory
The original poster (OP), a 25-year-old woman, was seeking advice on whether she was in the wrong for telling her husband that he was not allowed to be frustrated with her for not being at 100% while pregnant.
She explained that she and her husband were pregnant with their first child and that she was experiencing the effects of pregnancy on her body. She sometimes got bad cramping and nausea, so she would likely throw up if she moved too quickly.
Before she got pregnant, she mentioned that they both worked full-time and typically tried to split the household tasks equally, although occasionally, when one of them had to work late, the other would pick up the slack.
The OP Loses It One Day
Here’s how the situation went down that led to a frustrated couple:
The couple was getting ready to leave for work for the day. The OP’s husband asked if she brought the laundry up from the basement dryer. She said no, that she’d only grabbed what she needed because she was too tired to bring the laundry up two flights of stairs.
At this point, her husband got frustrated with her for having to go downstairs. This caused the OP to get upset and tell him he couldn’t be mad at her for being tired during pregnancy.
Now she’s wondering, was she being a jerk?
The Community’s Thoughts on the Dilemma
Most readers agreed that the OP was not in the wrong for telling her husband that he can’t be frustrated. A few mentioned that she could have been kinder in the situation or tried to be mindful of his feelings, even if they seemed ridiculous at the time.
One user said, “He can be frustrated with the situation; he cannot be frustrated with you. He is going to have to learn to cope with the changes of pregnancy, postpartum, and having to care for his child.”
Another user added, “You’re growing a person. That’s all the – chores you need to be doing. When he’s pregnant he will get a reprieve, too.”
Planning for the Future
Others were concerned about the future of this couple. With pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and child-rearing, there will be some major changes in responsibilities. Many women encouraged the OP to sit down with her husband and have an honest talk about their expectations going into parenthood.
As one user pointed out, “As you move into parenthood, you are going to find that things which worked ‘equally’ are not going to be so equal anymore.”
The key here is conversation. The couple must commit to coming together and discussing the current distribution of home chores and responsibilities and coming up with a new plan. They will need to come up with new plans over the coming weeks and months as they deal with the later stages of pregnancy, labor, postpartum, sleeplessness, lactation, and more.
Whenever the load gets unbalanced, they must return to the table, discuss any new changes, and create a fair system that works for both and reduces overwhelm in the face of raising children. Creating an open dialogue and setting expectations early on will help ensure that both parties are on the same page and that expectations between them remain clear.
Finding Balance at Home
To create a successful partnership, couples must also be mindful of their roles in the home and recognize when one partner is carrying more of the load. This can manifest itself in many different ways, such as one parent doing all the cooking or disciplining the children. It’s important for couples to discuss and agree upon their roles and responsibilities to avoid resentment or inequality.
Additionally, it is essential that couples remember to appreciate each other and show gratitude for all that they do. Take a moment out of each day to thank your partner for all they do, especially when growing a human!