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For many parents, the birth of their child is one of the top memorable moments in their life- as expected. One soon-to-be dad felt completely devastated when his wife refused to let him into the delivery room. Even after several attempts to discuss (and beg) the matter with her, his wishes were written off, and she wouldn’t budge at all.
Sadly, her decision created a major rift in their marriage, and the husband wondered if he was overreacting and making the situation worse.
Why She Doesn’t Want Her Husband in the Delivery Room
The original poster (OP) shared that his wife did not allow him to be present during the birth of their child due to fears that he would no longer find her attractive. The post generated many comments, with some suggesting that the mom may have wanted to feel more in control during a time when she had little control over her body.
The OP was perplexed, as he found his wife attractive and wanted to be there for the pivotal moment in their marriage when they welcomed their first baby. However, she held strong and made him leave the room when she started pushing. He was allowed to come back in right away and even cut the cord.
Ultimately, the husband still felt hurt by the whole situation and wondered why she was so stubborn on the matter. Let’s see what Redditors had to say.
The Impact of Social Media on Women is Huge
Social media perfections and diet culture are pervasive and insidious in our modern world. It is a societal construct that places a disproportionate emphasis on weight and appearance, often at the expense of overall health and well-being.
Women, in particular, are constantly bombarded with messages that they must look a certain way to be deemed attractive and desirable. This pressure can be particularly acute during pregnancy when a woman’s body undergoes significant changes and may feel particularly vulnerable.
One comment summarizes this well: “It’s easy to blame someone for how they respond to societal bs instead of keeping the blame on the societal bs, which feels much less alterable than individual behavior. Thank you for shifting the focus where it belongs. Personally, my heart aches for women who see again and again how quick men can be to lash out at women because they suddenly see that bodies aren’t solely for their own pleasure. Imo this is what OP should be heartbroken about as well.”
Sadly for this mom, diet culture also affected her breastfeeding journey. The husband posted an update that she wasn’t eating enough postpartum, which drastically affected her milk supply. Her husband felt frustrated with the situation, creating even more marital problems that caused them to separate for a few months before seeking counseling.
The Objectification of Women and Objectification
Women are often viewed as objects to be consumed, admired, or objectified rather than individuals with unique personalities, talents, and interests. Women’s bodies are routinely sexualized and objectified, which can profoundly impact how they view themselves and their worth.
The OP’s wife was concerned that her husband would find her unattractive after giving birth, which is a common fear that stems from societal pressures that place an undue emphasis on appearance.
This is confirmed by one comment stating: “Women are told that men are traumatized by seeing birth, and they will never look at your lady bits the same again. It’s a huge thing in some circles that men should be men and stay at the head of the bed if he dares enter the room.”
Insecurities and Control During Pregnancy, Birth, and Postpartum
Pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum, and breastfeeding are significant life events that can be both joyous and challenging. Women may experience a range of emotions during this time, including joy, excitement, anxiety, and stress.
It is not uncommon for women to feel a loss of control during these times, as their bodies undergo significant changes, and they are often subject to medical interventions and societal expectations.
In the case of the OP’s wife, it was clear that she felt she had some semblance of control over her insecurities if she could keep her husband out of the delivery room.
A Woman’s Need for Control During Pregnancy and Birth
One Redditor mentions that it is not uncommon for women to want to feel more in control during pregnancy and birth, particularly when it comes to medical interventions and the birth experience. This desire for control and agency may be why some women choose to have a home birth, a doula, or to exclude certain people from the birth experience.
The OP’s wife placed a high value on her looks and was afraid of what might happen when her husband saw her in such a vulnerable and “unattractive” (at least in her mind) situation.
The Importance of Communication and Empathy
One of the key takeaways from the Reddit post is the importance of communication and empathy.
The top commenter reveals, “I think you’re both victims of an image-obsessed culture that neither of you will ever fully unlearn. Good luck in the times ahead – old age comes for us all.”
The OP’s wife excluded him from the birth of their child because of her insecurities, but the OP did not understand this at the time.
The lack of communication and empathy led to a breakdown in their relationship, and they eventually separated. Marriage counseling helped the couple work through their issues and better understand each other’s perspectives. They still have many issues to work through but are working on them together.
The Need for Body Positivity and Self-Love
The Reddit post also highlights the need for body positivity and self-love. Women should be encouraged to celebrate their bodies and embrace the changes that occur during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. It is important to shift the focus away from appearance and towards overall health and well-being (easier said than done).
In truth, most men that watch their partners give birth are in complete awe. All joking aside, all women that birth a baby is a special kind of superhero that all men can respect.
In the end, women should be empowered to make choices that feel right for them, whether that means having a home birth, using a doula, or excluding certain people from the birth experience.