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The onset of old age sneaks up on us imperceptibly. It feels like just yesterday we were youthful, reveling in late-night clubbing, yet now, we catch ourselves adjusting the car stereo volume for better visibility on the road. Aging frequently slips by unnoticed, but upon closer inspection, subtle hints emerge, signaling that we are no longer in the bloom of youth.
Online users reveal the “old person” things they do that reveal they’re no spring chicken anymore.
1. Sleeping Early
Youngins can stay up as late as they want, but when you start dosing off at 9:30 PM, you have entered the old people’s group chat.
An online user says, “Bonus old people points when you feel entitled to yell “people are trying to sleep!” at 10:01.”
2. Creeping Becomes More Natural
There’s a curiosity that comes with old age, and every sound outside calls for your attention. The curiosity comes with the need [or laziness] not to venture outside to see what’s making the sound, and the best alternative is to peep through the curtain.
A conversation contributor says, “Someone adds, “I like to do this while mumbling to myself, “Nobody comes down my street without me seein’ who it is.””
3. Finally, Worrying About What You Eat
There was a time when you’d gobble anything without a care in the world, but if you wonder what your food will do to your body, you’re officially entering old ville.
A contributor says worrying about their digestion was a sign that they were getting old.
Someone adds, “Literally with everything I eat – “How bad of heartburn will this give me?””
4. Losing Sleep Early
You’d sleep up to 10 AM when you didn’t have anywhere to go, and now, regardless of what time you sleep, you wake up at the same time every day. You can’t seem to gather enough sleep to sleep in.
A contributor explains, “I wake up at 7 or 8 no matter what. I don’t even have any reason to be up that early. Doesn’t matter when I go to bed, either. Asleep by 9? Up at 7. Asleep at 3 am? Up at 7.”
Inside thoughts start seeping through and become outside voices as we grow older. If you’re talking a lot to yourself lately, you’re in the fast lane to old age.
Someone narrates, “I’m not embarrassed to admit that I talk to myself out loud when I go shopping, along the lines of “What?! I’m not paying that much for x product! That’s daylight robbery!”
6. Noisily Standing Up
Rising up from a sitting position was once easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy, but now, your standing up is accompanied by soundtracks.
A contributor says, “I bought an “Old Man-Looking” recliner recently and make the sound “ggggggeeeeeerrrahhhhh!” when getting out of the chair. I’m 29.”
Someone adds, “I make that noise when I stand up too… also 29. I guess that’s when your body is like “yep, you’re old now, f* you.”
7. You’re Automatically Getting Senior Discounts
Does your face [and hair] get you an automatic seniors’ discount even if you aren’t close to eligible?
A contributor shares, “I’ve been automatically given the senior citizen discount three times now at Chinese restaurants. I’m only 48.”
8. Wearing Sensible Shoes
Style was once an excellent consideration for your footwear, but now the primary consideration is how comfortable the shoes will be.
A user says they know they’re old because “I wear sensible shoes 99% of the time.”
9. Old-Fashioned Exclamations
Cussing seems to vanish as we age, and our exclamations get old-fashioned. If your way of complaining has been reduced to “Goodness gracious” and “Shoot,” you might be getting old.
10. Sleeping On The Couch
Falling asleep on the couch involuntarily is a tell-tale of old age creeping on you.
One online conversation contributor says, “Randomly fall asleep on the couch, no matter what time it is. I slouch into the right position for long enough, and bam, I’m out. I’m not even one to voluntarily nap either.”
11. Talking To Things
Inanimate things like machines start looking human, and you may even start having a conversation with them.
“Why won’t you close?” I said to the bedroom door that closed fine a million times before the seasons changed.” One user says.
Someone adds, “Today I walked into my garage wearing a collared polo shirt, khaki shorts, and socks with sandals. I then squatted down in front of my broken lawnmower, adjusted my clear frame glasses, and said, ‘Now let’s see what we have here.”
12. Watching Jeopardy
The American game show is beloved by many folks but lesser known to young ones. If you find yourself enjoying an episode of Jeopardy anytime you’re bored, then old age is creeping in.
An online user says he’s now watching Jeorpady regularly, a sign of getting old.
13. Your Bones Now Talk
There’s no more break-dancing with abandon because your bones have now acquired language, and they talk whenever you make sudden movements.
“My knee makes a crackling sound whenever I go up/down stairs. Actually, it’s done that my entire life… I’m only 30.” A conversation contributor says.
14. Low Key Amnesia
Words are slowly getting lost, and you spend more than a minute trying to remember where you placed the keys? Welcome to the beginning of aging.
A conversation contributor says, “I have really bad brain fog, so I say things wrong. For example, I want to say, “I saw it on YouTube,” but I can’t remember the word “YouTube,” so I start the sentence and go to substitute in “the internet,” but then remember the right word, and end up with “I saw it on… the… youtube. On the youtube. I’m 25.”
Anyone above 30 understands.
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